


Truth

by szarabasjka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, canon-ish AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10725861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szarabasjka/pseuds/szarabasjka
Summary: fill to thisPROMPTSam and Dean expel Lucifer from Cas and they're finally ready to open their doors and take care of him and repair their relationship and their angel.The problem is Cas is doing a lot worse than he lets on and the Winchesters think keeping their distance and giving Cas time is for the best. They're not great at the whole mental health thing.Cas gets worse and starts seeing Lucifer. Lucifer ushers Cas's descend and eventually convinces him to kill himself. The Winchesters find him mid-attempt and they finally talk.





	Truth

***  
Cas woke up on the floor, every bit of his body aching, everything in him was in pain, and he felt half empty… if that makes any sense.  
He felt the hands of Sam and Dean on him.

“For the Love of God…” begged the oldest one. “Cas, are you okay?”

He passed his eyes from one to the other; “Dean…” and then to the other one. “Sam.”

Sam smiled and hugged him while Dean’s hand landed on his head and slide to his shoulder.

Castiel felt tired; washed out, and his eyes hurt, but he said nothing when Dean pulled him in to a hug with a relieved sigh.

They put him in the back of their car and fought angels for the right to keep him. Everyone wanted a piece of the idiot who let Lucifer out.

They won even if badly hurt. The way to the bunker was slow and filled with pain since Castiel was too weak to heal them or transport them back to their home.

Not like he was excited to go there, the mere idea of the place he was on while trapped inside his vessel made him nauseous, the very place where Lucifer trapped him…

He didn’t lie to Crowley, okay? Lucifer left him alone most of the time. Yes, but those times he went after the original habitant of the vessel, those were scary events. The time he had Sam alone on the bunker’s library, Lucifer explained with detailed joy the things he could do to him, how he’d bleed and cry and beg to die before he was done… 

“And it’ll be all you, he’ll see your face, he’ll feel your hands, he’ll call your name…” he let out a snort. “Damn... I’m almost tempted to do it…”

That was the one only time he fought him, when his hands held Sam Winchester against the wall, and his grace could feel the heart of the younger Winchester going slower and slower.

He paid for that one act of revelry, Lucifer made him beg, not proud of it, not by far, but the pain was too much.

Sam cleared his throat and looked at his eyes concerned. 

“..Cas?” Dean asked him with his eyebrows up.

“Sorry…” he tried to explain himself.

Dean let out a sigh. “we found a lead on something that apparently could be Lucifer’s pet, the ugly spider-y thing?”

“Agramon.” Castiel corrected.

Dean shrugged. “That thing… I know it’s been hard for you lately, and we’re on a hurry.”

Sam moved closer. “There’s plenty of food in the kitchen if you need it and there’s Netflix…”

“Are you okay?” Dean asked. “you could come with us…”

Castiel shook his head no. “I don’t think I’ll be any help today.”

Sam made a face, lips tense and forehead wrinkled. “fine, you get your grace back and you’ll start hunting with us then, meanwhile you stay here…”

Cas heard them on their way out. “Jodie? Sam!! He’s an angel; he does not need a freaking baby sitter.”

But Cas did, he needed someone with him so he wouldn’t feel miserable, and alone. Castiel couldn’t tolerate the bunker when alone, yet; as painful as it was, it was the only place he felt safe, at home.

He had to do his best, while Dean and Sam were out there hunting the million things that Lucifer unleashed on earth.

He sat there thinking about the million things Lucifer did with his vessel; he made him watch the most horrible things; what he did to angels and humans, hunters tortured and killed, and civilians damned and murdered. What he did to Crowley and lesser demons too, but what he did to Crowley… that will haunt him forever.

When Castiel look at his hands he still see the blood, and the screams fill his ears, part of him, of his body liked it. That’s what makes him so ashamed, that’s what reduces him to a sobbing mess.

When he first came back his vessel was different, even his grace charging –as Dean calls it- was slower, he needed to eat and couldn’t use some of his abilities like before. At least he was functional and not the demented creatures he’s seen the vessels of his brothers were left as.

Now he had to eat, and not only to taste the difference between substances and molecules, it was because his body was actually using energy taken from that mere food. Then there was the other big change; Sleep; sleep had become the most horrible experience for him.   
He needed to sleep and got tired easily, he was exhausted but refused to sleep because the second he closed his eyes he could see Lucifer again, laughing at him, blaming him for everything he had done.

Threatening him; telling he’ll be back just to punish his weak ass, he’ll be back to destroy everything Castiel ever cared for; Everything Castiel holds dear.

“Dean is going to explode in cloud of blood and manly pain and will feel every second of it.” he said one night showing him every vivid image of the whole thing, with dean’s voice screaming to him for help.

Castiel tried to stay awake until Dean and Sam were back.

The next night he couldn’t stay up after nine days.

“Sam will be my bitch until I get tired of him or he’s too ugly to wear.” And with a smirk Lucifer added; “or until I find a better vessel.” He looked deep into Castiel’s eyes. “or until his body rots and nothing is left of the useless weak petty soul inside, until the entire thing disintegrate.”

“No…”

“And he also will feel every second, it’ll be Kevin Tran, the prophet wonder all over again, he’ll feel everything, he’ll see everything, his hands killing and raping innocents until he’s as broken and useless as you are.”

“NO!!” he tried to stop the archangel. “I won’t let you.”

“You won’t let me!!” he mocked. “you will be there watching everything from VIP seats!” he held Castiel’s hand “wake up Cas, wake up…” he tried to shake the hand away and tried to get free, and used the little grace he had at the time but instead of Lucifer leaving he cackled as Dean was thrown across the room against a wall.

“Dean..!” Cas was out the bed but Sam stood on his way. 

“Back off…!” he said pointing a hand of God against him, Castiel stuttered and stopped on his tracks 

That’s the first time that happened, until that moment Lucifer was always inside his head, in his dreams; it was Lucifer’s voice inside. Right now he was standing right there laughing while looking at Dean’s bleeding head.

“Sam no…” Dean groaned as he got up. “It was a nightmare Cas, just a dream.”

Lucifer was there shaking his head. “Everything baby brother; is true, I will, I’ll do everything and keep doing it until nothing is left, until you’re nothing more than a broken shell and then… when there’s nothing left, I’ll stand in front of your broken shell and gloat on your pain.”

Castiel was about to cry, eyes fix on Lucifer making motions toward Dean as if he were to kill him.

Then it happened when Sam left his food on the table and went for a napkin, Satan was there adding poison to Sam’s food, Castiel stood there his hands holding the edge of the counter until bits of the marble cracked on his hands.

Dean’s dish had maggots and all kind of bugs on it, the beer his friends were having was blood.

He woke up one night to find the bunker destroyed, pieces of furniture and books thrown around. Blood painted the walls and no matter how many timers he called for the brothers they weren’t there.

“THEY’RE MINE NOW” written on the main room’s wall on fresh blood.

He woke up alone that time after he cried six hours and walked around looking for them until a cop finally held his shoulder and asked what was happening, he had walked nine miles around town crying. “Are you high?” asked the cop. 

Dean and Sam had to forge a whole story to get his recently released psychiatric patient cousin.

“Something you’re not telling us Cas?” Dean asked looking at him through the rearview mirror. 

“I just messed up human cultures and ages…” he tried but both Sam and Dean could see he was lying.

The boys brought him to the kitchen and dean made him a grilled cheese sandwich; it was midnight but Castiel didn’t eat at dinner, he said he wasn’t hungry. Ask him and he’ll tell you Lucifer had pieces of a baby on his plate just next to Dean; and the hunter eating with gusto next to it made him nauseous.

He was moved to a room closer to Dean’s so he could check on him, even if neither of the boys said a thing to him.

Then another lead on Agramon; Dean and Sam left immediately ignoring the fact that Cas might have needed some help.

“There’s a way to stop all this Cas…” Lucifer said holding a knife; Castiel turned around and left his room. “You could end this, without you here.. I won’t even care for them anymore.”

Castiel Gasped as he saw the cyanide pills he had. “Wonder what would happen to your vessel? Can you kill yourself in a vacant vessel?”

“Leave me alone…” he went to the stairs trying to reach the door to find a snooze on the stairs. “It’ll be so simple… all you have to do is find a way.” Castiel whimpered. “not a problem since you’re useless now, a human; with you gone… they’ll be away from any harm.”

***

Dean stopped on a red light. “What?” Sam had his computer open, he was reading about Agramon.

Dean tightened his mouth and checking his left he made a U turn. “What?” Sam asked again. 

“I don’t know… I was thinking on Cas… he said… he said he won’t let him hurt us.”

Sam frowned. “Yeah. So? He’s traumatized.”

Dean looked at him. “He’s acting like you did when Lucifer appeared to you.”

Sam blinked a couple times before shrugging. “He’ll come around then.”

Dean made a face, one of those. “How come we’re relatives” face

The bunker was right there now. Only a couple more minutes.

***

“Promise me… promise me they will be fine… ”

Lucifer was smiling as Castiel pressed an angel blade against his chest still shaking nervous.

“You’re just slowing them down; of course they will be fine.”

Castiel closed his eyes and pressed the object as he fought his instincts to survive. “Just a bit harder baby brother…” Lucifer held Castiel’s hand and pressed until cold and pain bloomed where he was pressing, something inside his head kept repeating. “NO, NO NO!!”

“Do it Castiel before they hate you… they would never forgive a fuck up like you, it’ll be so much easy for them without your sorry ass.”

“NO!!” a hand held where Lucifer’s had been, it was Dean stopping him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“It is my fault and I have to pay for everything…”

Sam was there taking the blade from Dean’s hand and putting it away. “You did nothing.”

“He… he made me watch, he made me feel the power and I liked it…”

Dean chuckled. “Welcome to the club…” Castiel looked at him. “Want to talk about guilt? My dad died because of me.”

“My brother was sent to hell because of me.” Added Sam behind; pulling a chair for Dean and another for himself. “Then I got addicted to demon blood and that felt awesome... at first.”

“I killed angels and remember purgatory? Benny? The mark of Cain? When I was a demon?” Dean said with a sad smile. 

“OH yeah…” Sam said with the saddest smile Castiel had seen ever. “Remember purgatory... Dean might say he doesn’t mind but I still think that only a really shitty brother won’t search for him and no apology in the world could be enough.”

“I still resent that, even if I don’t say it…” Dean looked at Sammy with a smile.

Castiel chuckled. “The point here Cas, is that we made mistakes, and we’re still trying to get even in most of them, but we’re fighting, and we have each other’s back…” Sam said.

“You released Lucifer but then he trapped darkness in the void, so some good came out of it… and he’s a dick, don’t you ever listen to him.”

Sam smiled. “Knowing the bastard… I bet he’s telling you we would never take you back or care for you.” Castiel nodded.

Dean clapped, cleared his throat and let out a breath. “okay then, if he says stupid stuff you might also hear the truth… we love you Castiel, you’re family, you’re one of us and that will never change no matter what.”

“Even after…” Castiel started and Dean shook his head no. “It doesn’t matter, your mistakes are not who you are, we helped you clean up your mess didn’t we?”

“And you don’t have to apologize; it was you who gave us the weapons to stop him and cast him out and send him to the cage once more.”

“You’re family Castiel, we love you, and no stupid bitch in the world is going to change that…”

“They’re lying.” Lucifer said from over his shoulder.

“And if he’s trying to convince you otherwise, remember this…” Dean moved close and kissed Castiel making him gasp. “that’s the truth.”

Sam gasped surprised turning around. “Jesus!!” he said making a face, Dean laughed

“Lucifer!” shouted Castiel, the archangel was there gagging, but all Castiel could see was Dean, he started laughing really hard.

Lucifer kept appearing now and then but as his relationship with Dean grew he came less and less until one day he noticed he hadn’t seen him in a long long time.

The Dean that kissed him and told him he was loved that one never left.

The end.


End file.
